Why would anyone choose to become a single mother by choice?
Well, there are many answers to this question. In this blog post I am going to take you through what I perceive to be five of the main benefits to becoming a single mother by choice.
My name is Kylie Enkelmann, I am a fertility coach and energy healer and I am also a solo parent by choice or “choice mum”.
So back to that questions - why would anyone choose to become a single mother by choice?
To be honest, I couldn’t imagine why anyone would make this choice before I was thrown into my own life crisis. After my marriage broke down, and a medical diagnosis of infertility - I had to choose between becoming a single mother by choice or missing out on having children.
This was a heartbreaking situation to be in, and with a lot of soul searching I made the courageous decision to become a solo parent by choice.
Now there are both benefits and challenges to being on this path, you can read about the challenges in my other blog post here.
In this post I am going to talk about the five top benefits to being a single mom by choice or a choice mom.
1. The Opportunity to Become a Single Mother By Choice is Available to You
The first benefit is that you actually get to make that decision, it is an opportunity available to you at any time, according to your fertility, age and how flexible you are in terms of how.
Often people find themselves in relationships where both parties are not in agreement about children. This means there needs to be some compromise in order for that relationship to continue. In practical terms this means that someone is going to compromise their stance on having children in order to stay in that relationship.
Being a choice mom or being a solo parent by choice means that it's your decision. You're not making anybody else compromise their life choices by being with you. It's a really tough decision, but then at the end of the day, if it is something that is vitally important to you, being a choice mum is a very real option.
2. No more waiting to get started
The second benefit to being a choice mom is that you’re not following someone else’s timeline. You don't have to wait for your partner to be ready to get started. You’re not waiting for the relationship to be stable enough, or financially ready according to somebody else's opinion.
You don't have to wait for somebody else to be ready.
I have heard countless women say to me that their partners have always said that they want to have children, but when it comes to getting started they often want to put it off for a long time, at least another five or 10 years, in the future. In terms of woman's fertility this is a really long time.
So the second benefit is that you don't have to wait. You can actually start creating your family when you are ready.
3. No Relationship Pressures
The third benefit is that you don't have the complication of relationship pressures when you are looking have a newborn baby.
I have heard many people say that having a baby is like putting a stick of dynamite in a relationship. This is a common experience for many couples simply because nobody's needs are getting met.
Life is all about keeping that baby healthy and alive. A newborn baby needs to feed around the clock, meaning that everyone is experiencing broken sleep and as a couple you are not getting the lovely time out for intimacy that you used to have when there was just the two of you.
When there is a newborn baby, it is the child’s needs that are the most important. And while for many couples who are in a well established, loving relationship – this might be easily navigated, but for many people the lack of sleep and difference in parenting styles can cause a lot of friction.
Being a single mother by choice means that you are not under the pressure of trying to nurture and nourish your relationship at a time when you are very, very tired and often quite overwhelmed.
As a single parent by choice, you might not get much time out, but when you do - you can focus on looking after yourself without any guilt. You don't need to tend to your relationship in order to keep that relationship thriving.
4. You Determine Your Parenting Style
The fourth benefit that I see as being a single parent by choice is that you get to decide on your parenting style. Sometimes couples will have vastly different parenting styles and that can cause friction in the relationship. People can have different ideas about the type of schooling that they want for their child, the role of religion, the type of discipline techniques, how much you “spoil” the child, what to feed the child, and more, all of which can cause conflict.
As a solo parent by choice, you get to decide everything - which can be difficult because there are many important decisions to be made, but it's also quite liberating because you don't need to check in with anybody else or compromise what you believe is important.
This means that you set up your child's life according to what your values are and what you believe is important.
5. You Can Still Meet The Love Of Your Life
The fifth benefit that I see as being a single parent by choice is that you can still remain open to meeting the love of your life. You can still find your amazing life partner after you have had a baby, and having a baby isn't going to stop you from meeting your soul mate.
If you're waiting for your soul mate to arrive into your life before you have the baby and you are coming towards the end of your fertility window, there is a very real risk that you will miss out on having your own biological child. It can also be difficult to be discerning in terms of your partner when you are in the grip of baby fever!
Becoming a Single Mother By Choice means that you can still have children and be with an amazing life partner, it just happens in a different order!
So there you are, these are the top five benefits I see as being a single parent by choice.
I'd love to hear what you think about them. Are you a single parent by choice? Are you a single parent? Is there something else that you would see would be a benefit? And what questions do you have around being a single parent by choice that you would like to ask me?
Please leave them in the comments below.
Lots of love!